I have a picture in my room from Hobby Lobby with that phrase. I bought it as I was starting to see the light from the dark days after a breakup. It was my reminder that this is just part of my soul journey in this lifetime and I will always be right where I am meant to be. This doesn't mean I always like it!
Even the day and days following the breakup, I knew I'd come out on the other side. I knew life would keep going and eventually he wouldn't mean anything to me. Well, I don't think he won't ever mean nothing to me, but definitely a great deal less. I think there will always be a fondness.
Anyways.... it occurred to me I've been fighting this shedding of skin if you will. My life is literally nothing like it used to be, yet I feel myself grasping on to anything I can.
WHY. Seriously... why?
But change is hard.
This morning I scrolled through my facebook profile. You can say social media is nothing but a highlight reel and while I've had some down days (who doesn't?), I really love my life. All the trips, my new job, new friends, new opportunities etc. The me right now has all the opportunities in the world to create a life exactly as I want it. and that is EXCITING.
With him, I never felt good enough. We drank a lot. I drink now and hate being anything more than buzzed. I am comfortable in my own skin and the only thing I want is to be better than I was before. I am focused on moving forward.
Can I truthfully say I wouldn't want him back? No. I will always wonder what could've been. I did love him. I felt in our last days together we could've worked it out. But I also really want someone who goes on stupid weekend adventures with me, who likes Chinese food, wants to try new things, travel, loves dogs, doesn't make me feel like shit about myself, will walk with me and not 10 paces ahead of me around the lake etc. I want someone who fulfills me in every way. Sexually, mentally, emotionally.
Shedding my old life has been hard and I didn't realize it until now, but it's grief. I'm grieving the old me. Even if I didn't like her.
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