Day 4 Keto

Day 4 is always the hardest. My brain is trying to negotiate eating junk. It keeps saying this is too hard.... go get Burger King and then write your paper. It'll taste good. 

it wasn't stressed related today. I wasn't trying to stuff any emotion to feel numb. I just really love their spicy chicken. mmmm.....but today's trigger: I had a massive headache. I have a paper to write, my apartment is a mess annnnnd... ok... it's clear there's some stress. I felt I could bribe myself to write my paper (I've ended with researching all the references, I just have to throw it together which shouldn't take too long.)

So I took myself to Aldi's. Truthfully, I had every intention of getting BK tonight. The plan was to go to Aldi's, check out the new store and pick up a few things, then BK.

You know what's stupid? Taking someone with an eating disorder to a grocery store with plenty of junk food at cheap prices. But sometimes it's these moments where I feel I do ok. The entire time is an extreme mental battle. A conversation in my head the whole time. No Amy... you don't need that. Skip that. That's not keto. If you buy that, you will just binge the whole thing. Ugh yes I want to. That sounds so good. Just today... it's ok to give in. You weighed in this morning and are down 6 lbs this week. Dang, these jeans are fitting nice. Your stomach did look flatter when you left.... do you want to ruin that? You feel good right now. Keep moving along. .

The worst thing I bought was Diet Coke. it's technically keto friendly, but some who do Keto won't drink it. So I guess if this is me cheating today- a Diet Coke is it.

So, Day 4 is hard. I've been here twice before. The challenge tomorrow is mom's birthday lunch out to eat. I've looked at the menu and my choice is a Caesar salad or bunless burger. My choice was Olive Garden (don't laugh. I hate chains as much as anyone, but who doesn't love some OG?) and I fully intended on going wild with pasta. But she chose a place that's special to her and well....why not. So I need to stick to the plan. Keto. And why? because keto tames the eating disorder beast. once I hit ketosis, there are severe consequences of eating poorly. I was keto for 3 weeks and then overate Chinese with my brother and I suffered the rest of the day. I felt like I was dying.

anyways. Day 4. keeping keto and telling Fat Amy feeling good in my jeans was better than a box of little Debbie.